FATCAT.GOLF

Currently attending anger management therapy for slow play. Is a world authority on lamb shank preparation. Has a tattoo on his arse that says “If you’re reading this, we’re in prison”.

The Dogdish native voted most likely to marry his cousin by his Jeppe classmates. He became a successful exotic dancer at the Blue Oyster Bar before joining the navy. Secretly harbours a desire to become a bus conductor.

Considered by many to be vocally and morally unrestrained. Endorsed by Weed Aficionado and the Plettenberg Overaggressive and Excitable  Support Society (POESS)

A past champion from a bygone era when Old Tom Morris was a junior and Rabbi’s clubs were new. By the end of tour, everyone will know how to say “oh gosh” in Italian when missing a putt.

He disappears faster after 9pm than his grey hairs on a trip to Denmark. The only thing he can beat with his eyes closed is insomnia.

Recently featured in an article on 007.com called “Bond on a budget”. A close second to Rocketman in the insomnia stakes.

Recently wrote an article titled “Gender Identification in the modern era”.  Lists his Domicilium Citandi as Pat Pong Street.

Introduces himself and starts each sentence with “Are you a champion?” Wanted the number plate  “NARCOS 1″  but couldn’t spell it properly .. and his wife took the 1. The first non gringo to lift the trophy.

A sheep in wolf’s clothing. Wears camouflage shorts – we’ve never seen them. Sometimes unfairly referred to as “gums” having relinquished his Fines master role.

Considers himself a leading collector of vintage golf shirts. Always bemoans not being straight on tour. Nightmare Scenario: Playing a dogleg left.

CFO and poultry evangelist for Woodchuck Chicken.Similar to a greek but not as hard working. Good for a top twenty four finish.

The Tommy Hillfiger of Fatcat. VDCP calls him Poepchic. His personal challenge –  a needs analysis of Rabbi’s wardrobe

Now called Mediocre Mike given his current form. Was once a Springbok tequila shootist.

Has this year managed to reduce his swing elements and thoughts to under 25. Nightmare scenario: Trying to focus with Chewbacca, Oom Tromp and Magoogle in his four ball.

His body turn always carries the risk of a hook, never mind a hernia. Only his golf is mainstream.

His goal is to one day shoot his age – will be lucky to shoot his weight. Career highlights include Saturday afternoon C-division champion in 2007.

His staff see more of Halleys comet than they do him. Recently joined Alcoholics Anonymous – still drinks but uses a false name. Has been cautioned more than once for claiming other peoples pets.

He recently said – “If I had 50c for every scorecard I’d miscounted I’d have R10.80 now”

Tries hard to convince everybody that he actually works in Mauritius. Fondly referred to as “Island Boy” in his local Hells Angel charter.